It's not a blender it's a coffeemaker!
by LoveforLogan
Summary: Syan is an Elvic healer needed for a long mission, but when her innocent flirting lands her a husband she fights with her family that she didn't marry a blenderDataOC


Okay this is my first serious fic for Star Trek, and I know next to nothing about a lot of things, in fact it's almost basic the extent of my knowledge and in any matter, Data's the easiest to write about that and the fact I had this really cool /funny idea, Picard's supposed to have this sexual crush on Syan I figured I'd better make that clear to you since it's not clear to myself, and Syan is no way near associated with Starfleet, and well that's it except that I don't own these characters (And if you know a way how please call me!)….so happy reading right? Oh and please leave some feedback any and all is greatly appreciated! Oh and just a little quirk for just purely fun Data has an emotions chip!

She held herself with an air of pride, and arrogance. She was tall and slender, and could strike jealousy even in the most dead of men, and she was graceful. Her eyes shifted colors of the rainbow, or could be held at will, her hair was a rich mahogany waterfall that shimmered down her back. She wore only what most mortal men would call a bikini, it wasn't it was a senya, she wore a sheer fabric skirt over her hips with a leather belt from which hung a scabbard holding the Excalibur blade, bangles moved with grace around her wrists and ankles, accented by the sheer shawls she wore over her shoulders and the chandelier earring she wore. She was sent by her royal council to assist a Starfleet flag ship as they crossed a terrain in space known for illness and sickness curable only by the rumored beautiful Elvic healers.

"Not too friendly are you?" she asked leaning over the control panels, Worf frowned upon her, and returned to his work. "So what's it like on the Enterprise?" she asked.

"Capitan Picard is an excellent leader, I am proud to be under his service," he replied, she nodded, and bit back a retort about Klingons and Romulans, knowing full well the danger.

"Is he?" she settled with, seeing what she had done he didn't answer, she rolled her eyes, then they widened upon site of the Enterprise. "Is that it?" she asked. Worf shot her a dark look which melted into interest watching her straighten herself out. She stopped feeling his eyes on her. A few technical messages came over the communicator. A few friendly words were exchanged and the shuttle she arrived in was docked.

Worf attended to a few details and soon the ship's hatchway was opened. She watched him announce her to the captain who reached back a hand and helped her out onto the hanger deck. Barefoot and graceful, she felt a chill roll over her spine. Her bangles jangled her earrings flashed, as she gracefully made her appearance to the command. They nodded respectfully to her. As expected all the male eyes studied her intently, the captain was of no exception. She tilted her head. She was intrigued by the man with pale skin, and golden eyes…what creature was this

"Captain I admire your ship," she said, later on as she toured the ship with him and his commanding officers Commander Riker and Lt. Cmdr. Data. "Its reputation precedes it,"

Riker coughed nervously. "Yes?" she asked.

"Sorry, I just can't put it off but what is that you're wearing?" He asked quickly and embarrassing. She nodded her head in understanding.

"Time, most mortal men find it sexually arousing," she paused and cocked an eyebrow, and then smiled. "It's an incense burned in the Temple of Amonron, I spend too much time there for the benefit of health," she shrugged. "You have been warned," she paused.

"So then Captain, why me? Why someone you know nothing about?" The captain looked her in the eyes with difficulty and said.

"Because, when I asked for a doctor who specialized in the illnesses of these parts, they suggested you," he answered.

"You chose poorly," she scoffed. "An Elf? Sir, and one known to screw around with everyone's mind,"

"I look for qualifications, not reputation," Picard cleared pulling down his jacket and trying to keep together his wits, she smiled.

"I see,"

She was of course the only Elf aboard, easily the minority. Syan especially enjoyed strutting around her free time showing off her figure and feeding the desires of every man. She even made a few friends in Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher in the medical department where she worked.

"Hello, you must be Syan, the Captain told us you'd be coming," Deanna smiled extending a hand a similar greeting came from Beverly, Syan smiled her own.

"So you must be that Elvic healer?"

"That I am," she smiled sitting in the doctor's office.

"I wonder what kind of illnesses are you able to heal," Deanna asked. Syan nodded waving her hand and before them appeared a bottle of red liquid and three very peculiar glasses. Syan smiled uncorking the bottle and poured them all half a glass of the blood red stuff.

"This," she smiled handing them each one. "Is Phoenix wine, it actually has healing powers, and in women adds a sense of feminine to them, I offer you the wine as part of custom from where I come from, as a sign of friendship," she explained pulling out a few vials from her belt. "These are things we normally add, ground unicorn horn is popular, unicorn blood, and phoenix tears, anyone would have to be down right mad to drink the wine on its own, that's why I offer you this," she laid the rounded vials on the desk for their own inspection. One held what looked like ground up silver, the other liquid ruby and the last clear water.

"What do you suggest?" the women asked. Syan picked up the tears and added a fair amount.

"Well, what are your tastes? The unicorn horn adds sweetness to a spicy drink, the blood I would say would add a whiskey tasting flavor, and the phoenix tears add even more spice, only the stupidest dare devils drink it with that," she added. "The wine by itself tastes sorrowful," Deanna thought then added the ground sliver to her drink which dissolved instantly, Beverly chose the same. They took a sip at the same time, looks of agreement passed over their faces.

"This tastes so surreal" Deanna said but before more discussion could be said a group of men carrying a junior officer, who was badly injured, rushed in. Beverly jumped up along with Syan.

"What happened?" she asked the men. A man who was dark of skin and had a visor over his eyes explained.

"He was repairing a circuit board with a plasma cutter when it exploded in his hands," before he could finish, Syan was already to work.

"Every now and again plasma cutters should be inspected for any sort of blockage, his obviously wasn't," she said as she ripped his uniform exposing his chest. She ran her delicate hand over his chest, whispered a few words to the officer who passed out, Beverly was stunned but the most anyone could do was just watch. She waved her hand what appeared an empty bottle appeared. She tossed its contents over his body, watching him squirm in pain, she whispered a few more words; he fell out of pain.

As much as they were all confused, they watched as the dead flesh and blood burned up and dropped off him replaced by new and healthy flesh, as if he had never been burned before. She nodded taking another small vial from her belt of what appeared to be boiling water and poured a bit in the officer's mouth, who responded by choking. She sat him up whispering a few more words, he nodded.

"Well he's had a shock, I'd let him rest a couple of hours or so before letting him back to work, you did good son," she smiled.

"Are you an angle?" he asked her confused.

"No, you're still alive. Make that three," she smiled.

"What did you just do?" Beverly asked confused.

"It's pretty elementary, I see a lot of burns from the young males seeking my hand in marriage," she shrugged. "They expect me to go into a more intimate form of healing them, all I have to do is throw a dose of phoenix tears over them and instant healing,"

"But he passed out!" the man dark of skin said.

"I did that, to keep him calm and to ease his pain with a few spells spoken in my tongue," she explained. "I revived him with siren water, you ever drank that stuff straight? It's like drinking ammonia," she shrugged. "And guaranteed to revive anyone,"

"Geordie, this is Syan, she is an Elvic healer," Deanna quickly explained. The man named Geordie nodded precociously.

"How did she know so much about plasma cutters?"

"I did a bit of work in engineering; when you get to be my age you have a chance to do just about everything once or twice, and I do mean everything,"

"How old are you?"

"Older than a 1,000 years," she shrugged.

News travels fast around the ship, pretty soon everyone knew of what she did. Deanna and Beverly had her sitting in ten forward talking about ancient cures of all races one night about a week later. She sipped on what appeared to be sythenol drink, while her two other friends had fizzlers of some sort, they weren't ordered but were right none the less.

"Well you can mix together most anything really, so long as you know what you're doing," she shrugged. "And in most respect, there are certain limits, of what I can do," she nodded.

"I find that odd,"

"I'm sure you do," the doors slid open and in came a couple of men in discussion, one in a red uniform, the other a goldenrod. Syan tilted her head at the new comers. "Curious," she whispered returning to her conversation. Deanna flagged them down and they soon were sitting next to each other.

"Will, Syan has some interesting ideas on the medical field, her ideas are revolutionary!" Beverly nodded. Riker allowed himself a nod, and the man with pale skin gave her a questioning look.

"What kind of ideas?" he asked. She laughed bell like and beautiful, hoping to catch their ideas.

"Curious, I feel no life from you, are you even living?" she asked Data genuinely curious.

"I am Starfleet's first cybernetic android officer," he said proudly. She nodded.

"Back home, you'd be the equivalent of a blender, coffee maker if you're lucky," she smiled. Data gave them all curious looks, a few of them laughed.

"But I am clearly neither," he protested politely. She smiled ever wider; Riker tapped him on the shoulders.

"Data, it was sarcasm, many humans have it,"

"Sarcasm, sir?" Data was still confused.

"Data, clearly sarcasm is foreign language to you," she shrugged, _an android eh?_ She thought to herself._ Wonder if he can navigate through my mind puzzles_. She wondered.

"Data, what makes beauty?" she asked. Data gave her a confused look.

"Sarcasm sir?" he turned to Riker who shook his head.

"Data, I asked a question, proper manners require an answer," she quirked a delicate eyebrow.

"I do not know," he answered. He fell for it.

"Well, then, I suppose then there is no answer, one could say Lt. Worf is the very image of beauty, while I am scared and unsightly," she leaned closer to him putting forth her most intimate Elvic charms. He remained unaffected which was more than one could say for Riker.

"I do not think that possible," Data answered, unwavering. She shrugged, it wasn't working she turned her attention to Riker.

"What do you say sir?" she asked. Riker sat up straight collecting his wits.

"Um…well…um…if I had a say I'd say you were it," he said nervously finding relief in the drink that was placed before him that moment. She shrugged, he was too easy, and too bad he had the looks for a good sport. But he may be fun just yet; she shook her hair knowing full well most men couldn't stand it.

"Would ya now? How interesting,"

"Where did you say you were from?" Data changed the subject, she laughed, and he was intelligent yet!

"Sharairya, in the Ancient Tongue it means beautiful scared land," she said. "We came there with The Brotherhood of the Centaurs, The Order of the Fairies, and The Nation of Unicorns, just to name the Major Arcane," she began. "After we were banished from Earth; humans," she added "Are one of the more arrogant species I have ever meant, a plague upon land and have no desire to sit and listen to Mother Nature," she shrugged at the odd looks she was receiving. "Yes," she looked at them. "I am native to Earth; it was the great Revolution that sent us away, we had been living in secrecy for hundreds of years. I was born in 870, a little before the great wars to Raja and Athena Terrick. We lived in the most isolated parts of the Mediterranean forests. There was no where else left to go, but Antarctica, but the Dragons needed hot temperatures to thrive, the Centaurs even though born in the most icy parts of the Alps needed warm temperatures, the fairies needed a tropical climate, we Elves needed forest to live, and Phoenixes live with the volcanoes, and the unicorns have no tolerance for freezing temperatures." She paused to take a drink. "There was no where left, so the great council met together to find a solution. There was war as we fought for our place among the people. And we lost, so we erased that period of history as the French and Indian war and the American Revolution. Accepting defeat we left and I haven't been back since," there was a sorrow to her words.

"You're native to Earth?" Riker asked there was a stunned silence at the table.

"And it pained me to leave," she said. "Hmm…I hate being a princess, you realize how many people come to me and ask me to solve their problems? Too many that's what!" she laughed. "My brothers tell me I'm crazy, and Jack says I could use time away form home, I say to them all, it doesn't hurt to live life in craziness, and I have been away from home since the age of around 300 or so," she smiled.

"Perhaps they are right?" Data asked her, she shot him a dark look.

"Well your mental health is nothing to brag about," Beverly smiled. Everyone nodded agreement.

"You should see me drunk off time," she pointed a finger to Riker. "That's a card and a half," she smiled.

"There was a time on the ship when the whole crew became intoxicated, because of some disease, I think you'd find that rather interesting," Deanna said. Syan nodded.

"From the way it sounds, it reminds me of the Syrian Spell, its highly contagious; tell me did it cause poor judgment?" She asked now interested.

"Yes, and it spread form person to person who came in contact with them, even Data was infected with it!" Beverly added. Syan nodded.

"Easily cured with holy water, or something like it," Syan shrugged. "I've been infected with it a few times," she winked. "I liked the high, kills time when you've nothing to do," she shrugged draining her glass. If that didn't grab their attention she didn't know what would.

"I'm curious, are most of the human legends about elves are true?" Data asked. Syan thought for a moment.

"Some, we aren't short, like three inches tall, we are dangerous, mischievous half the bloody time, deceptive, make the best weapons on the planet, hence my ex husband's sword Excalibur," she smiled patting the blade by her side. "And we live among the forests, which is why I wear what I do, it allows more freedom of movement among tree branches and the forest floor, I do have longer skirts but I find this," she waved a hand over herself. "More flexible,"

"What do your bangles represent?" Deanna asked. "They are beautiful,"

"Talon forged them for me, let's just say their courtship offerings, I hate him, I only wear them because they are pretty,"

"Do you have religion?"

"I worship Amonron, the unicorn temptress; most everyone else worships a sex god, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't pay homage every now and then,"

"A sex god?"

"Yep, the whole society makes love with just about anyone they damn well please, and so darn often, even I question the sanity of my own people," Riker's eyes widened. "We have few laws and the ones we do have we are strict on," Riker coughed nervously, straightened his jacket and stood.

"You know, right now I think a game of poker in my quarters would be great, anyone interested?" Riker said eager to get away from her charms. There was an agreement around the table. "Data, you coming?"

"No, sir not tonight I think I'll stay here and learn more about her culture," Data answered.

"Join us later then?"

"Yes sir," was the answer. A dangerous twinkle lit Syan's eyes.

"So tell me Data," she began. They talked for hours, until they were the only ones left in ten forward. She leaned forward flirting with him, knowing full well his emotions chip was in the on position, and hell she was having fun.

"I had no idea, Elves were so attuned to nature," he said sounding partially drunk, she giggled.

"You don't know a lot of things," she leaned in closer so close as if to kiss him. "You know," she pulled away before he could act on it. "Have you ever danced before?"  
"I don't think so," she looked over her shoulders before standing she took his hand and led him into an area where there'd be plenty of room.

"Good, then I'll teach you," she smiled. "Dancing is a major part of my culture, let's see if you're any good," she wrapped one of his arms around her waist, taking his hand in hers while warping her free arm around his neck. "Ready? I'll lead, and don't worry about two left feet, you'll do just fine," she laughed and pranced off with amazing speed, him attached to her.

She halted extended herself in a twirl came back to him leaned her body against his and extend a leg bringing it back running a hand over his face, then turned so she faced him and danced off again pressing her body a against his every now and again. Finally she instructed him to dip her. She wrapped her left leg around his waist to anchor herself, and planted her right leg between his for balance. She arched her back supported by one of his arms, throwing her arms over her head, she reveled feeling his fee hand traveling over her body as he bent forward….

"Data?"  
"Commander!"  
"DATA!" and a sickening thud. Data straightened himself out hands by his side. Syan on the other hand had her left leg still wrapped around his waist, her right leg on the floor, and was half hanging half flat on the floor not a very good position to be in; to top it all off he was ignoring her. Angry and seething in rage she used her right leg to kick him in the groin before rolling over on her side getting up.

"Drop me like that again and I'll rip out you-" she looked in the direction he was looking. DEAR GOD! Her eyes grew wide and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. She turned quickly to Data.

"Do I want to know?" Riker was the first to speak. Syan was ready to faint.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she smiled quickly to Data, and pranced past Commander Riker as fast as she could. There was a moments worth of silence, before Riker burst into a broad grin.

"Data! You dirty dog, you!" he laughed. Data gave him a confused look.

"Dog sir?"


End file.
